Only a Flesh Wound (or Not Who I Think I Am)

Today I thought to myself "I am so beat up." And then I laughed. My body hurts from lack of good exercise and carrying Elianna around on my hip. I have a 13 month old who still wakes multiple times at night to eat due to necessity. I think I tore something in my shoulder from reaching around to her in the car. Yesterday I impaled the palm of my hand when catching one of the baby rabbits I brought home for Moriah as a pet. And this morning as I was waking in bed Elianna gave me a head bunt accompanied with a large, fat lip.

Today I thought about how I felt beat up physically and then laughed because I feel beat up emotionally, too. The last several weeks have been full of my saying the phrase "I just cant do this" and then thinking "that whole line about He won't give you more than you can handle is crap; I am done." Then God spoke to me through a MFF blog. She was talking about how she was tired of the refining process and trying to be who she was designed to be. And God spoke to me. He said - 'Thats YOU. Let go of who you think you are, and allow me to shape you into who I know you can be.' It was a sobering moment. And I needed the day to process it. Along with a nap and another email from a MFF who encouraged me to visualize leaning on the Lord. I realized that I am limiting myself. That regardless of the events that the day holds, He is there, He is blessing me, and He is providing.

And then I thought about who I am, and I laughed. I often compare myself these days to the Isrealites and their journey in the desert. I find it amusing how often we want to head back to captivity when things get rough. Today I thought about how we often fight God's will for no reason, and end up missing body parts in the process (figuratively of course). Perhaps this was not divine, but I instantly had the thought 'Oh my gosh. I am the black knight!' For those of you who are unfamiliar:




God is so good. And I am so human. Sometimes I have to laugh.